Self-Acceptance

What are the inherit issues related to self-acceptance? Why are we so hard on ourselves and feel the sadness of self-doubt and insecurities? Who is this person inside this physical body? Do we love who we are physically, emotionally, spiritually? What can we do to believe in the beauty of our being? These are just some of the questions that may arise as we search for the answers in daily living.

As we explore the concept of self-acceptance, one must understand the lessons learned from their past history, illnesses, and emotions to be able to grow in strength and wisdom. The significance of one's past history cannot be dismissed. Historical events can have a lasting effect on one's outlook on self and life in general. Parents may influence their children's self-esteem by simple words or actions. Illness can shift a person's whole focus on life either physically or emotionally. A traumatic event, such as divorce, or death of a loved one can also impact one's being. All of these past events are part of every one's life and can produce intense negative emotions that are held onto in daily living. These negative feelings from the past events can trigger the insecurities of self-doubt as similar situations occur in present time. Understanding where these emotions and feelings are coming from and that past events can suddenly trigger similar feelings in the present can help in allaying the self-doubt. There are some steps that can be taken to help in decreasing the impact of historical events. First, recognizing where these feelings are coming from can help decrease the intensity of the emotion. Knowing that past events have triggered the current feelings can allow you the space to heal and look at the present situation with a different attitude. Second, ask the question of what lessons can be learned from the past. The question and answers need to be phrased in a non-biased, matter of fact way without getting into typical answers like, "to show how stupid I am," or "because I'm a bad person." Answer the question that would show loving kindness towards you, you may want to answer it as if you were answering for another person. (We are often kinder towards others than ourselves). One answer may be, "I understand now that I wanted so much to be loved that I married the wrong person and I will learn to understand this feeling and make better choices in the future," or "I don't understand why I had to become ill, but it taught me how to be aware of the importance of taking care of myself."

Honor and respect the lessons of the past and learn to support yourself the way you would support others with similar situations. As per Lee Kaiser, one can "change" their past by focusing more on the lessons learned. This creates a new way of looking at the past and promotes healing in a positive way instead of only looking at the past negatively as a victim.

How would you respond to another individual that had similar situations in life and feelings of insecurities and self-doubt? Look at yourself with the same eyes and know you are a good lovable person.

Self-acceptance means being kind to yourself.
Self-acceptance means honoring yourself.
Self-acceptance means respecting yourself.
Self-acceptance means nurturing yourself.
Self-acceptance means surrendering and releasing the past.
Self-acceptance means forgiving yourself.
Self-acceptance means believing in yourself.
Self-acceptance means accepting your humanness.
Self-acceptance means choosing to see your beauty.
Self-acceptance means appreciating your uniqueness.
Self-acceptance means focusing on the positive not the negative in yourself.
Self-acceptance means being patient with yourself.
Self-acceptance means being able to say you like yourself.
Self- acceptance means being able to say you love yourself.
Self-acceptance means loving yourself.

The Beginning...

What words of encouragement can I provide someone that has just heart the diagnosis of breast cancer? The words come as a shock. The word cancer alone can invoke fear. There is fear of the unknown, fear of illness, fear of death. You can't even imagine what it all means at the time. You are numb and uncomprehending. Did you really hear what was said? This cannot be true. I was feeling pretty good, exercising, eating well, but stressed with work and family situation. Then the other word sinks in, breast. Breast cancer, wow the two words together sounds formidable. Breast, breasts indicates something with sexuality to most. If you were ever at all insecure about your sexuality related to your looks and your breasts, this also deals a blow to your ego.


After hearing the words, the realization comes that you are not dreaming. You were just told you have breast cancer and now you now without a shadow of doubt your life will be changing forever. At that moment your life does change forever. You may not understand in what way it will change, but you know it will.


How do you tell your husband, your family, and your friends? Something like this is so personal it is hard to relay to people that your whole world has changed in an instant. You try to be strong, but as you say the words to others, it sounds like it is coming from someone else, in the distance. Is there an echo? Who is saying those words, " I have been diagnosed with breast cancer."? Yes, you are saying them, still not sure what it all means and what all the treatment will be yet.


First you say, I don't have time for this to happen, I'm involved with many projects, deadlines, and important items at work. You realize later how funny those words are especially when you are fighting for your life. The projects, deadlines, and whatever else was happening at the time start to seem insignificant. You go through the motions of hand off to others the work that you thought defined you as a person. You worked hard to advance in your career, but now what was it all worth? The answers do not come right away.


Your co-workers, friends, and family try to provide encouraging words, but many do not know exactly what to say. You are sad that you have caused them to be uncomfortable and unsure of what to say. You also know you are blessed that they are there and still wonder if your relationships will also change as you start your new path in life. The conversations are not as personal as they could be, you try not to reflect the fear you hold in your heart right now. How could you ever display how huge the fear is, in fact you try to deny the fear in yourself as long as possible.

The treatment involved starts to begin. There is no clear understanding about what all the treatment means, what will happen to your body, and what will happen to your mind and spirituality. At first, you go through the motions, listening to treatment options, deciding on treatment options, and planning the times for the treatment. Soon, you want to keep moving forward with the treatments and start even planning the next one, knowing that you are moving closer to healing and a cure. When a treatment is delayed related to labs or other indicators that prevent you from continuing with the original timeline, you actually become disappointed in the delay. This only prolongs the moment when you are told you have finished all the treatment, whether it is surgery, chemotherapy, or radiation. As you go through treatment you will see many other people going through different phases of their treatment and you will automatically develop a connection with them whether you meet them personally or not. The look in each of their eyes tells all. It is a knowing look that only someone that is going through the same thing can feel. One small glance and you feel like you have known that person all their lives. You are connecting at a different dimension, intuitively and as one.

The treatment may just be beginning, but know that you are not alone. There is a guiding Spirit that knows you better than you know yourself. The process will help you to know yourself in a new way. Life will be looked at differently and more valued than you can ever imagine. Know that this is actually a gift that will enable you to enjoy life to its fullest and develop compassion for others in a different dimension then this world. I hope that by hearing my story we can go through this journey together as one and knowing that this experience will transport you to a pathway to joy.