Choice

Choice is a gift given to us by God. What can choice do for you?

*You can choose to see the beauty of nature or not
*You can choose to hear the beauty of nature or not
*You can choose to feel the beauty of nature nor not
*You can choose to smell or taste the beauty of nature or not
*You can choose to feel the music or just hear the music
*You can choose to be happy or sad
*You can choose to be accepting or angry
*You can choose to learn from the past or hang onto the past
*You can choose to be patient or inpatient
*You can choose to love or to hate
*You can choose to act or to procrastinate
*You can choose to forgive or not to forgive
*You can choose to smile or to frown
*You can choose to surrender negative energies or hang onto negative energies
*You can choose living or death
*You can choose compassion or indifference
*You can choose joy or unhappiness
*You can choose to let go or to worry
*You can choose satisfaction or frustration
*You can choose to develop boundaries or feel guilty
*You can choose enlightenment and growth or stagnation
*You can choose peace or anxiety
*You can choose tranquility or chaos
*You can choose self care or illness
*You can choose knowing or doubt
*You can choose trust or fear
*You can choose positive intentions or negative intentions
*You can choose to attract positive outcomes or negative outcomes
*You can choose to accept and resolve problems or focus on defeat
*You can choose to live in the now or worry about the past and future
*You can choose to accept responsibility or give your power to others
*You can choose to focus on success or fear of failure
*You can choose balance or exhaustion
*You can choose to see miracles or disasters
*You can choose a positive attitude or negative attitude
*You can choose to see situations positively or negatively
*You can choose exhilaration or disappointment
*You can choose to see the beauty of others or not
*You can choose to see the beauty within you or not

How would you like to live your life? What choices would you like to make?

Patience

Do you often feel discouraged on your spiritual pathway? How do you maintain the feelings of happiness, security, comfort, and peace? Why does it seem so hard to sustain these feelings or emotions? Why are we so hard on ourselves in wanting to be "good?" Are we striving for perfection?

Patience is the key to understanding ourselves and our humanness. The Law of Patience states, "all things arrive at their appointed time, impatience simply causes delay." We are hard on ourselves when we expect that we need to always be good or perfect. When we fall down and scrap our knees we have a tendency to stay on the ground and berate ourselves for falling. Instead, it is best to pick ourselves up, clean our wounds, and start the healing process. Soon the scabs heal and whether there is a scar or not the healing takes place if we are patient. If we pick at the scab too early, it bleeds and the healing time is extended. The question then is how can we learn patience to allow the healing to proceed without interference?

I sometimes find myself berating myself over not being good enough. I'm on a spiritual pathway and when I fall down on the pathway, I have a tendency to bring back all the insecurities, self doubt, guilt, unforgiveness in my self. I start wondering who I am and what my purpose in life is. It becomes overwhelming and the impatience that I experience brings on the negative energy and thoughts. The pessimism creeps in and all the positive energy and momentum on the pathway comes to a screeching halt. I have learned that this is the time to truly be your own best friend. Again, we are much harder on ourselves than we are with other people. When another person is going through a tough time, we gently provide them words of encouragement and support. Learning to change your thoughts and choosing to think positively will help make the situation better. We are human and not perfect beings, as we strive for a happier life there will be lessons along the way that will make us stronger. The pathway may lead us to other pathways or detours for a moment. As we learn the lessons from the detours, we must keep moving forward, trusting and knowing that any bumps in the road are lessons to learn and understand for our purpose in life. When these obstacles come into our pathway, it is best to take the time to breathe. Breathe deeply, slowly and feel the emotions as you surrender and let go the self defeating attitude. Learn to laugh and not take yourself so seriously. The situations may take on a whole different feel when you appreciate the lesson being learned. This is the time to look deeper and pay attention to what the true lesson is teaching you. Take time out to spend in nature or in solitude to quiet your mind. Start to journal the emotions that come up. You may need to re-focus your time to bring balance back into your life. Are you going through the motions in life, getting angry with the traffic, the intensity of work or juggling family responsibilities but not taking any time for your own health and well being? Sometimes these particular lessons in life come to us to help us slow down and realize the importance of bringing balance back. There is no statute of limitation on patience. Our understanding of time and life itself is very limited, we must make choices daily and allow the answer to our questions to come when the time is right, not as we know time but as the universe does.

One of the biggest things we can do to help with our patience is knowing, believing, and trusting that we are on the right pathway. We need to let go of the frustration and fear on the pathway and appreciate and practice looking at things differently.

When one is held up in traffic and late for an important meeting, the frustration and impatience arise. The worry about being at the meeting intensifies; however, this only creates negative energy and anxiety. The best thing to do is concentrate on taking deep breaths and stating "this is out of my control, there is nothing I can do now to make the traffic better, relax and breath and trust this is happening for a reason." You may not understand the reason at the moment but many times the answers become clear later.

Another example of patience is a gardener. The gardener carefully plants seeds of tomatoes. It takes patience to prepare the soil, plant the seeds, water, fertilize, tend to and hope the elements of the weather cooperate. Then months later, the plant has grown and the flowers indicate potential fruit. Eventually the green tomatoes turn into the bright red fruit. The fruit of the tomato tastes even more delicious and rich in flavor when finally picked to grace the food at the table. Without the patience of the whole process, the tomato may never become ripe to be eaten and savored. Each year as tomatoes are planted, new techniques, watering systems, etc. may be adjusted based on the lessons learned from the previous year to produce an even more productive crop. This is how we must look at ourselves in our pathway. We are preparing the soil, planting seeds, watering, absorbing the sun, growing each day, producing flowers and fruit and each season starts anew. Each bump in the road we can start anew, replanting the seed and continuing the process. Enjoy the fruit along the way but know we must continue moving forward to produce the crop of tomatoes each day. Think of your pathway in this way, it is always a work in progress. If we push on a door and meet resistance sometimes we continue to push because of our impatience and get nowhere, however, soon there is the realization that the door says, "pull." When we pull the resistance is gone.

Be patient with yourself, know there will be challenges, learn the lessons from the challenges, be kind and gentle to yourself. Pick yourself up from falling down, clean the wound and continue to move forward with gratefulness for the lessons learned in making you stronger and more powerful in your quest of a better you. Share the lessons learned with other so that they can learn to heal from your lessons. Remember the next time you fall, be your own best friend.

It takes patience for the caterpillar to become a butterfly.
It takes patience for the flow to bloom from a seed.
It takes patience for the tomato to ripen from seed.
It takes patience to learn how to forgive.
It takes patience to learn balance.
It takes patience to set boundaries.
It takes patience to understand our past.
It takes patience to learn the lessons of life.
It takes patience to believe.
It takes patience to surrender and let go.
It takes patience to live life.

Guilt

Is the web of guilt tightening around you more and more as you struggle to understand the intense feelings surrounding the guilt? What are the things that trigger this intense feeling? How can one maintain their own sense of health and well-being when guilt brings on feelings ranging from powerlessness, frustration, resentment, anger, shame, sadness, and of being out of control? Does guilt define your actions on a regular basis? Are you doing things in life that you don't necessarily want to do but feel you have to do them or you feel guilty?

Guilt can impact every aspect of one's life physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Guilt may make you vulnerable to an illness, stress your relationships, cause burn out in a job, and make you fearful of God. Understanding the triggers is the first step in being able to change the emotions related to guilt. Guilt can be a good thing if appropriately attached to a crime for instance, but many people feel guilty as they hold onto feelings about their self worth. They don't feel good enough, they feel selfish if they are not constantly giving to others trapped in the web of good intentions. They feel that they need others to appreciate them or provide them the recognition and approval in order to feel that they are good. They may feel that their actions and service to others defines them as a human being. Guilty feelings can produce intense fear. Fear that one is a bad person, condemned to hell and not forgiven for sinning can be devastating for individuals. They are unable to let go of the feelings of inadequacy and yearn for approval and acceptance from others to show their worth as a human being. They are always striving to do better and if something does not go the way it should they are usually the first ones to say they are at fault, even if it is something completely out of their control, such as the weather. For example, if someone was planning a party outside and it happened to rain on the party, the person carrying the guilt would be the first one to say "I'm sorry, it rained." It is easy to get caught up into the situation as if it is your fault for the rain. If someone can't find something, the person will say "I'm sorry." You can learn to approach the situation differently by practicing saying something without assuming the "fault" of the situation, be positive. For example, one might say "Don't worry about the rain, everyone still had a great time being together and having fun" and "Can I help you find your missing item?"

Guilt can come from many different triggers such as religious background, cultural influences, and families. Religious upbringing can bring about strong feelings of guilt. Heaven and hell are ingrained in children as they grow up. They are punished by their misdeeds and threatened that hey may go the hell if they are not good. What is the definition of "good"? Some words used to define good as described in a dictionary are "of high quality, suitable, skilled, excellent, virtuous, kind, undamaged, honorable, valid, helpful, genuine, and obedient." Can anyone live up to the expectations of always being good? You are human and you must accept your humanness.

There are also significant cultural influences related to guilt especially associated with the different genders. For example, women are sometimes made to feel guilty if they do not have children whether they have chosen to have children or were unable to have children. Does this make them less of a woman? Men may have guilt associated with financial stability when a problem may arise related to paying bills and being able to provide adequately for their household.

The guilt associated with families can be the most intense. Guilt can be learned as a child from statements made from parents, grandparents and siblings. For instance, the following statements are triggers for guilt. "If you love me you will do this for me," or "I've done a lot for you in my life," or "You owe me this because of all I have done for you." These triggers for guilt can be passed down generation to generation and when one hears these comments from families or others the web of emotions begin.

There are different steps you can take to decrease the emotions of guilt. First, understanding and recognizing the triggers of situations that bring on guilty feelings can help in learning to let of of these feelings. There are certainly times that one must proceed with an activity they may not like to do. When this happens, recognize the feeling and emotion of guilt and work through the negative energy that arises by focusing on positive thoughts. Journal the feelings you may experience during these times to help with the release of emotions you may be holding onto in your body. Second, know that the person that makes statements triggering the guilty feelings also have feelings of fear, insecurities, self doubt, and a need for self love. Acknowledging this in the other person can help decrease the fear of their reactions to the boundaries you must set with them as well as the intensity of your own feelings at the moment. Next, recognize our biggest judge of ourselves is ourselves and we need to learn to set boundaries courageously. It takes a lot of courage to set boundaries with co-workers, friends, and families in a loving and honest way. Your co-workers, friends and family may react to these boundaries initially and you cannot control their response. However, through time and persistence, they will learn through your example that choosing positive thoughts will lift their energy as well to appreciate the possibilities of being free from the pain of guilt. It takes courage to stand up to people lie this especially your family. Even if they do not like it or respond negatively which they will, you need to believe that is is OK to live the life you want, a more positive, happy, and healthy life. They have chosen the life they live and you have a choice too on the life you want to live. It does not make you selfish or uncaring, you can still give and show love to otters but with boundaries so that your own energy and health is sustained.

Value the sensitivity of yourself for even having the feelings of guilt but you need to also understand and identify the truth about the problems of guilt and work on freeing yourself from the web of guilt. Being healthy means taking care of yourself and balancing your own self-care with caring for others. You have a choice to be free from the web of guilt and improving your life.

Start viewing yourself as an innocent child, learning the behavior that is important in succeeding in life. An innocent child knows how to play and have joy and learns to choose a positive attitude. A child needs love and is loved. A child can give love freely and without guilt. What kind of world would this be if we could all trust God is a loving, forgiving, compassionate, and caring God that only wants each of His children to be comforted and full of joy? Start each day as if it is your last, wash the slate clean, let it go, surrender it and start again focusing on new beginnings.

Forgiveness

(Picture is "Heart Path" angel by artist Heidi Kujat)

Is there something in your life that you are holding onto and have been unable to forgive or forget? Is it a forgiveness of another person that hurt you or is it something you did that you are unable to forgive in yourself?

Forgiveness has deep rooted emotions that are held onto such as hurt, pain, sadness, betrayal, guilt, and anger. TO be able to be fully the person you deserve to be one must work through these feelings in order to forgive an lead a life of peace and joy. The Law of Forgiveness states that whatever you cannot forgive holds you in bondage. This repression holds on tight and prevents you from truly living an enlighten life. Whether the forgiveness is related to another person or an event, or related to something you specifically did, it is important to understand why it is held onto so deeply and why you are unable to release these emotions. The feelings related to forgiveness can be a result of triggers from past history or to your religious upbringing.

If forgiveness is related to something you did to another or an event, holding onto these strong feelings may be a result of your religious background. Many religions instill fear into people as a way to ensure right from wrong. Therefore, when one does something that is not congruent with being "right" then that person is a "bad" person, a sinful person. Is God going to forgive them? When a religion does not truly show compassion for an individuals predicament and bans them from their community, does this really show forgiveness? This can then scar an individual so that they then hold onto this feeling of shame or guilt for the rest of their life.

After understanding some of the responses to forgiveness, start with being kind to yourself and know that to get beyond the emotions of forgiveness will result in bringing your power back to you in a positive way. An exercise that can help is to spend some time in silence in nature or some other place that provides you the quiet time needed. Write down what forgiveness is all about for you. Is it about losing a job, a betrayal of a spouse or friend, a betrayal you did to someone? Write down all the feelings that come up related to this in a journal or piece of paper. Give yourself the time to express any and all feelings related to this situation. Then place the piece of paper/journal in a secure space for a couple of days. Let it just be. After a couple of days or as long as you would like it to be, take the paper/journal and release it back to the universe through ceremony or a ritual. You can burn it, rip it up, bury it or whatever else you would like and imagine it being surrendered to the universe. Know that holding onto these emotions prevents you from fully being in power, the emotions have a hold over you. Repeat as you destroy your paper the words, "release, surrender, letting go." Then as you end your ceremony, be grateful for the lessons learned from the Law of Forgiveness and trust that God loves you and your unique humanness. The closure you will experience will bring you the peace of harmony and help you move forward to the future full of possibilities without the limitations of the past.

Self-love

Are you able to say "I love myself?" Are you able to say "I like myself?" Are you going through the motions of life with work and family but holding onto the feelings of self hatred? How do you start feeling better about yourself?

This discussion will focus on the opportunity to begin feeling better about whom you are as a person. There are "little things" that can create a hugh difference in how you feel about yourself. Practicing these concepts with concentration, focus and surrender will help you to know the power of you.

What is it you do not like about yourself? Is there a thing from the past that haunts you in the present or that you cannot let go? Why are you holding onto the situations of the past? What lessons can you learn from the past and bring into current time? Does the past bring up fear, guilt, anxiety that has resulted in shame and self hatred now? Understanding where some of the self hatred comes from is the first step in understanding how to let go of the emotions of self hatred.

First, you may want to write down what it is about you that you do not like as a person. Even if there are things you don't understand and are not sure of why there are these feelings, it's OK. Just give yourself 5 minutes to write whatever it is that is creating the feelings of self hatred. Then put the journal and/or paper down and start a new page. On this page write the things you like about yourself. You may struggle with this, but each day as you practice some of the concepts try to also write down positive things about yourself.

There are simple things to start with that can help you see how easy it is to put yourself down. How many times have you received a compliment from someone whether it is about your hair, outfit, or something else you have done and you immediately downgrade the compliment? For instance, when someone compliments your outfit, you might say, "oh this old thing has been hanging in my closet for a long time" or "It's the only thing in my closet that fits me now, because I'm getting too fat." Instead of immediately coming back with some retort to the compliment, try just saying "thank you." You will notice at first, that this is not so easy to do, but as you practice and become more aware it will become easier. Even if you say something negative, you will begin seeing and recognizing the situations more and has hard as it might be, be persistent in trying to simply say "thank you." Try catching yourself making the negative comments about yourself. If you do say something negative, shake it off and remember next time to just say "thank you." Persistence is the key.

Another "little thing" to start working on is to start saying "I like myself." Force yourself to say this phrase no matter how hard it may be. Plan a time during the day to focus on saying this phrase. It may only take 5 minutes 3-4 times a day but really concentrate on saying the phrase over and over. You may want to start by writing the phrase and then repeating it back out loud verbally. Do this for several days or weeks until the phrase becomes less fearful and is easier to write and say. You can also start putting this phrase on a post it note and post it on your mirror at home, in your care, or a place at work that is visible to you. After this phrase becomes more natural, start looking in the mirror at yourself and repeating this phrase while looking at yourself. It's amazing how this "little thing" can enhance the experience. This may take a much longer time but be patient with yourself and surrender the feelings of inadequacy or any other negative feelings. Journaling your experience and emotions can help during this time period. Sometimes just writing down and expressing yourself can result in a releasing feeling.

The next step is to start saying "I love myself." Repeat the same sequence as noted above. As you become more aware of your feelings and emotions during these exercises, appreciate the strength and courage it took to love the uniqueness of you. There are many people in this world that have a negative outlook about their self and just go on living life in a cloud. This is the time to move through the cloud and create a life of happiness and opportunity by learning to surrender the old feelings of self hatred and focus on learning how to care for oneself with the first step of self love.