Guilt

Is the web of guilt tightening around you more and more as you struggle to understand the intense feelings surrounding the guilt? What are the things that trigger this intense feeling? How can one maintain their own sense of health and well-being when guilt brings on feelings ranging from powerlessness, frustration, resentment, anger, shame, sadness, and of being out of control? Does guilt define your actions on a regular basis? Are you doing things in life that you don't necessarily want to do but feel you have to do them or you feel guilty?

Guilt can impact every aspect of one's life physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Guilt may make you vulnerable to an illness, stress your relationships, cause burn out in a job, and make you fearful of God. Understanding the triggers is the first step in being able to change the emotions related to guilt. Guilt can be a good thing if appropriately attached to a crime for instance, but many people feel guilty as they hold onto feelings about their self worth. They don't feel good enough, they feel selfish if they are not constantly giving to others trapped in the web of good intentions. They feel that they need others to appreciate them or provide them the recognition and approval in order to feel that they are good. They may feel that their actions and service to others defines them as a human being. Guilty feelings can produce intense fear. Fear that one is a bad person, condemned to hell and not forgiven for sinning can be devastating for individuals. They are unable to let go of the feelings of inadequacy and yearn for approval and acceptance from others to show their worth as a human being. They are always striving to do better and if something does not go the way it should they are usually the first ones to say they are at fault, even if it is something completely out of their control, such as the weather. For example, if someone was planning a party outside and it happened to rain on the party, the person carrying the guilt would be the first one to say "I'm sorry, it rained." It is easy to get caught up into the situation as if it is your fault for the rain. If someone can't find something, the person will say "I'm sorry." You can learn to approach the situation differently by practicing saying something without assuming the "fault" of the situation, be positive. For example, one might say "Don't worry about the rain, everyone still had a great time being together and having fun" and "Can I help you find your missing item?"

Guilt can come from many different triggers such as religious background, cultural influences, and families. Religious upbringing can bring about strong feelings of guilt. Heaven and hell are ingrained in children as they grow up. They are punished by their misdeeds and threatened that hey may go the hell if they are not good. What is the definition of "good"? Some words used to define good as described in a dictionary are "of high quality, suitable, skilled, excellent, virtuous, kind, undamaged, honorable, valid, helpful, genuine, and obedient." Can anyone live up to the expectations of always being good? You are human and you must accept your humanness.

There are also significant cultural influences related to guilt especially associated with the different genders. For example, women are sometimes made to feel guilty if they do not have children whether they have chosen to have children or were unable to have children. Does this make them less of a woman? Men may have guilt associated with financial stability when a problem may arise related to paying bills and being able to provide adequately for their household.

The guilt associated with families can be the most intense. Guilt can be learned as a child from statements made from parents, grandparents and siblings. For instance, the following statements are triggers for guilt. "If you love me you will do this for me," or "I've done a lot for you in my life," or "You owe me this because of all I have done for you." These triggers for guilt can be passed down generation to generation and when one hears these comments from families or others the web of emotions begin.

There are different steps you can take to decrease the emotions of guilt. First, understanding and recognizing the triggers of situations that bring on guilty feelings can help in learning to let of of these feelings. There are certainly times that one must proceed with an activity they may not like to do. When this happens, recognize the feeling and emotion of guilt and work through the negative energy that arises by focusing on positive thoughts. Journal the feelings you may experience during these times to help with the release of emotions you may be holding onto in your body. Second, know that the person that makes statements triggering the guilty feelings also have feelings of fear, insecurities, self doubt, and a need for self love. Acknowledging this in the other person can help decrease the fear of their reactions to the boundaries you must set with them as well as the intensity of your own feelings at the moment. Next, recognize our biggest judge of ourselves is ourselves and we need to learn to set boundaries courageously. It takes a lot of courage to set boundaries with co-workers, friends, and families in a loving and honest way. Your co-workers, friends and family may react to these boundaries initially and you cannot control their response. However, through time and persistence, they will learn through your example that choosing positive thoughts will lift their energy as well to appreciate the possibilities of being free from the pain of guilt. It takes courage to stand up to people lie this especially your family. Even if they do not like it or respond negatively which they will, you need to believe that is is OK to live the life you want, a more positive, happy, and healthy life. They have chosen the life they live and you have a choice too on the life you want to live. It does not make you selfish or uncaring, you can still give and show love to otters but with boundaries so that your own energy and health is sustained.

Value the sensitivity of yourself for even having the feelings of guilt but you need to also understand and identify the truth about the problems of guilt and work on freeing yourself from the web of guilt. Being healthy means taking care of yourself and balancing your own self-care with caring for others. You have a choice to be free from the web of guilt and improving your life.

Start viewing yourself as an innocent child, learning the behavior that is important in succeeding in life. An innocent child knows how to play and have joy and learns to choose a positive attitude. A child needs love and is loved. A child can give love freely and without guilt. What kind of world would this be if we could all trust God is a loving, forgiving, compassionate, and caring God that only wants each of His children to be comforted and full of joy? Start each day as if it is your last, wash the slate clean, let it go, surrender it and start again focusing on new beginnings.